Humans -- An Essay by Yang the Cat


Yang, a well-traveled and spirited Siamese cat, shared many of his observations with acclaimed writer John Bishop. Here are just some of his thoughts on humans. Yang the CatI am bemused by my humans' behavior. For one thing, they have enormous trouble communicating. Their bodies seem helpless to express ideas and thoughts and feelings. Their instincts never seem to be enough alike for them to know what the other wants. So they have to make loud noises to each other constantly. Since this method of communication is not natural, it must be learned and demands continual training and practice. Otherwise, I imagine, they would forget.

Several times a day there is a loud ringing which is the signal for practice to begin. Whereupon the human goes to a small box-thing, picks up half of it, or pulls one out of a pocket or purse, and begins making these loud sounds. He will practice this anywhere from a minute to hours.

At night, they attend training. They sit in front of a large window-like-thing which shows other humans doing things. Perhaps this is more than just loud-sound training. It may, in fact, be an entire behavioral clinic. The humans do tend to spend long periods of time at it and, actually, it may be compulsory. If one of the humans is home during the day they will occasionally sit in front of this window-like-thing. I'm thinking this may be some kind of refresher course.

If only they could let loose a bit more and enjoy life as we do. They are much too rigid, almost mechanical in manner. They lack freedom. They don't sleep nearly enough. And thus, how can they possibly dream enough. They don't stretch enough so consequentially they are way too large. Their over sized bodies prevent them from leaping to a tree limb or the top of a piece of furniture. It's quite a restrictive life.

They are almost devoid of natural curiosity, not to mention imagination. They never chase interesting things. Once they see something, it tends to remain the same thing for them. They seem unable to change inanimate objects into animate ones. They even give things names! Perhaps they do that so the thing will never change...a strange desire.

Just imagine, for a human, a sash cord can never be a bird or a mouse or a rainbow. Sunlight on the floor can never be a fish. A paper bag is never a cave. What a dull world they live in. I'm so glad we can brighten it up for them.

Pictured above: Yang with his twin brother, Yin



Discuss this article in the Forum!